Balancing Your Plate - Part 1

You know what I have a hard time doing?

Yeah, well yes, I’m going to tell you. Obvs.

I have a hard time balancing all of the things I’m supposed to be eating.

Like.. whoa, make sure you eat enough protein. Don’t eat too many fats, but make sure they are good fats. Drink lots of water. Eat lots of fruits and veggies. Eat food rich in fiber. Nuts are good fats. Eat an apple a day. But only an organic apple. Also, stand on your head for 16 hours a day to release your chi.

That last one I made up.

Don’t forget getting your steps in. Working out. Fit in time for you.

Look! I’m lucky I arrived at work today. Let’s take these success where I get them!!

But still, some days I feel like there aren’t enough calories in the day to fit all these foods in. Not to mention pairing foods with the right other foods to reap the largest benefit. There are apparently rules to this!

I don’t follow them.

Some days, I just eat pizza. Like this past weekend when I had to load a ton of pellets (that’s 50 40 pound bags, FYI) and I decided – pizza. That’s what’s for dinner.

But back to food.

Fish. Eat that twice a week. But don’t eat the bad fish. Eat Salmon. Don’t eat farm raised salmon.

Eat shrimp – it’s good brain food. But don’t eat shrimp because neither fishing nor farming shrimp is sustainable. Shrimp trawling, when they scrape the bottom of the ocean floor to grab shrimp, also grabs other animals who are left to die on the deck of the boat. Also, something to do with a slave trade in Asia over shrimp. Also, don’t eat it from the Gulf because of the oil spill. But definitely eat shrimp.

I didn’t realize this was going to go so much into shrimp.

Should I eat oatmeal? It has a lot of fiber and can help drop your bad LDL cholesterol. But it has a lot of calories and doesn’t have any protein. I’d have to eat something else rich in protein to go with that carbolicious meal. I don’t have that many calories to work with, so maybe I should eat oatmeal?

Quinoa. Eat it because it’s a whole grain that has lots of fiber and protein. Don’t eat it because the people from Peru can’t afford to eat it anymore because it’s become so popular.

Let’s not even go into eggs. I think this week they’re on the good list, but next week – WHO KNOWS?

Do I eat butter still or should I give that up?

Soda. Soda is bad, but diet soda is worse than regular soda, so if you’re going to drink it, go for the real sugar soda.

Definitely don’t eat regular sugar. Eat honey. Or maple syrup. Or no sugar. Also, the fake sugar, bad.

Eat Kefir, Lentils, Chia seeds, Coconut oil, Apple Cider Vinegar, Sun-Dried Tomatoes, Artichokes, Kale, Red Meat.

Or is that no red meat?

GLUTEN!

I bet you were looking for the answer to all this.

Joke’s on you.

I don’t have it. I struggle with it as much as you probably are.

I will give you some strategies I use. As much as one can call them strategies. Perhaps my sage advice?

Which is probably neither sage nor advice.

But I'll save that for next time. I need to go drink some soda and eat some processed food.